Mental health during holidays
The holidays are often a time of joy, good cheer, and quality time with loved ones, but they’re also a time of elevated stress, social expectations and obligations, and situations where we might find ourselves out of sorts.
Prairie Manufacturer’s editor, Jeff Baker, sat down with Dr. Maggie Penfold, a clinical psychologist working in private practice at Wolseley Wellness on Corydon in Winnipeg, to explore holiday-related stress, how to cope with the pressure, what we need to be looking out for in ourselves and those around us, and what we can do to help.
Dr. Penfold’s practice addresses a range of common mental health concerns for adults living in Manitoba and the Northwest Territories. She completed her Ph.D. at the University of Manitoba in 2016.
This conversation took place on November 2, 2023, and has been edited for length and clarity.
NOTE: This conversation touches on the topics of suicide and self-harm. If you or someone you know needs help, please refer to the Mental Health Resources below.
Jeff Baker (JB): The holiday period can come with all sorts of stress and pressure. Why do we feel that stress around what’s often expected to be a joyous time?
Dr Maggie Penfold (MP): There is often a lot of stress and time pressure that shows up around expectations of what we want to do, what we think we should be doing, how we should be feeling, or about the experiences we’re hoping to have. We’re often aware of or have assumptions about expectations from other people of what we’re going to be doing with or for them. On top of all that, we add in all of these extra activities, gatherings, chores, and errands on top of the everyday things we are already trying to do. And then there’s even more if travel is involved.
JB: So, why do we do this to ourselves?
MP: We all have our different reasons for doing it. Even though it is stressful and there’s that pressure, there’s some kind of importance to it; there’s a meaning that we attach to doing these things. There’s the joy of being able to spend time with people that we want to see and celebrating the joy of the season with people that we love and care about. We want to make the most of it and that does require time, energy, effort, and planning.
JB: Is the stress that we feel around this time of year (or anytime at all) always a bad thing or are there some good things that can come out of it?
MP: Stress mobilizes us; that’s basically the function of it. It’s there to signal that there’s something we need to do or someone or something that needs our attention. Where it can become problematic is if we don’t have a good way of working with it and if we’re not getting regular breaks from it. Even if the stress is related to something positive that we want to be doing, it’s important to have time to recharge and regroup. We’re not machines, so we need those breaks and the relief they bring.
JB: Particularly around the holidays, there can be some degree of pressure to be merry, to be sociable, and be in the festive spirit, but is it okay to not feel that way?
MP: Yes, it is! A lot of people put pressure on themselves to feel a certain way or hope they’re going to feel a certain way, and there’s also the hope that others will be feeling in good spirits too. When we notice that our experience isn’t matching up with what’s going on around us or what we were expecting, it can be a challenge to stay with what’s in front of us. But no matter what feelings our surroundings are meant to elicit from us, it’s really ok for us to experience the full range of human emotions.
JB: How can we share with those around us that we might not be feeling the same joy or happiness they’re feeling, or do we even need to share what we’re experiencing?
MP: We can share that information if we want to, but we’re not obligated to do so. We can decide if we want to keep that private, or we can be selective about who we’re sharing it with. Sometimes we have different emotional experiences that come and go for reasons that aren’t totally obvious. It might be that there is something that we need to address, but it doesn’t always make sense to listen to those internal reactions. Some people might think that if they’re not listening to their internal reactions or not sharing them that they’re being fake. However, it’s important to consider your context, your values, and what’s important to you in this moment when you are deciding what, if anything, to do with these internal reactions.
JB: How can folks navigate their darker periods through to the other side?
MP: It can help if you can plan ahead if you know this time of year tends to be difficult for you. Coming up with a coping plan ahead of time – when you’re likely thinking more clearly, feeling relatively fine, and might be more likely to connect with creativity – makes it more likely you will generate plans for coping that are workable for you. The key here is letting yourself do this before you actually need it. Also being able to recognize that this is a temporary state of things – that the stress is not never-ending – that you can remind yourself you’ve been through other stressors before and come out the other side, can be so helpful as you navigate the experience.
JB: Now, is disconnecting or disengaging a healthy way to manage or cope with the emotions or stress?
MP: Well, it depends on who or what we’re disengaging from, why we’re doing it, and how much we’re doing it. Certainly, we all feel that need to disengage or disconnect from time to time, and I think it can definitely be useful for us. It might be a way that we are able to carve out time to rest or cool down when emotions are running high.
The holidays can be a time when you end up being around certain people who are difficult for you to be with. It might be someone with whom you have a difficult relationship history or someone you’re having more recent conflict with. Sometimes disengaging or disconnecting is the best thing you can do to have time to regulate yourself and preserve relationships that matter to you. I think it can be a really helpful strategy, but it’s important to consider the why and how much you’re doing it.
JB: So, it’s not the only tool in your toolbox?
MP: Yes, and it’s helpful to let yourself plan ahead: who can you call if you need to reach out for some support or a helpful distraction? What are some activities that you enjoy doing? Can you make sure that you have a plan to connect with those things? Booking self-care appointments, health appointments, or different things like that can also be helpful.
JB: How about disconnecting and disengaging in terms of the workplace?
MP: Organizations can really support their employees by letting them be fully disconnected from the workplace. In business now there’s so much contact and connection – e-mail, texting, social media, phone calls – so letting people fully disconnect or at least reducing their connectedness for a time can help.
Another thing that employers can do is allow for flexibility around the various holidays and days of significance that folks in our society celebrate. It’s important to remember that not everyone celebrates Christmas or Hanukkah. There are countless other religious and cultural holidays that people mark, and we can help reduce the stress by allowing flexibility in the time off we grant, lightening workloads where possible, and just showing compassion and care for our co-workers.
JB: The holidays can be a time when some folks might delve into the ideation and possible follow-through of suicide and self-harm. Is there an increase of these behaviours around the holidays or at some point down the road?
MP: I have looked into it before, and it’s not always the case that suicidal ideation or self-harming behaviours peak in December, but I do think there’s something about the pressures that come with the holiday season that can lead to increased distress. If you’re already experiencing some mental health difficulties, the stress of the season might exacerbate them. It’s not necessarily that the risk is higher in December, but sometimes with the slowdown of some things around the holidays, it can sometimes be a bit more apparent that people are struggling.
JB: How can a workplace or work team support their staff or colleagues who might be dealing with this stress however it may be manifesting, whether it’s depression, anxiety, self-harm, suicidality, or another way?
MP: Providing contact information for crisis resources – local, provincial, or national – well ahead of time can be helpful. Start circulating the information about mental health resources and encouraging staff to consider and plan ahead and develop a coping plan for holiday-related stress before the holidays is useful. Companies can share information about the signs that somebody’s mental health might be deteriorating, letting people know what to watch for, and encouraging people to engage in assertive reach-out if that’s something they feel comfortable doing with their co-workers.
It’s important that we promote and encourage assertive reach-out. We need folks to not stop at ‘Well, they said they were fine, so my work here is done,’ rather we need them to think about a plan to check in at a certain frequency, and how this looks will depend on some factors including the comfort and familiarity that co-workers have with each other.
JB: Is there any difference in how family members or friends might help their loved ones compared to their co-workers?
MP: Similarly, I think it’s assertive reach-out, like if something seems a bit off or if someone doesn’t quite seem like themselves, be sure you’re making contact and reaching out. Things you might be looking for are changes in their demeanor, including if they’re usually more sociable but are noticeably more irritable or withdrawn, or if there’s been a dip in their hygiene or appearance, or possibly a change in their ability to focus and concentrate. It’s just being aware of the things that are out of the ordinary.
It’s also important to note that when we’re checking in and helping our loved ones (and even colleagues) that we don’t want to put any unnecessary decision-making burden on them. Instead of just asking ‘What would you like to do?’ or ‘What can I do to help?’ it might be more useful to add in or say something like ‘Would you like to go for a walk/to a movie/for coffee – something specific – with me?’ or ‘I have some extra food I’d like to bring to you.’ If somebody’s experiencing significant mental or physical health difficulties, they might also be having increased struggle with indecisiveness and taking initiative on things.
JB: Where can people turn if they need help?
MP: If things are reaching a crisis point, if there’s a need for support that family or friends can’t offer, or if there’s a safety concern or crisis, your best call will be to your local mental health crisis response centre. Most major cities will have a mobile crisis service of some sort, and there is always the option of going to the local emergency department or calling a national crisis line.
It’s critical to let yourself think ahead and plan when you’re not immediately worried about another person or when you’re not having a struggle yourself. I would encourage everyone – even if you don’t think you need it – to have this information accessible because you never know when somebody, including yourself, might need help.
MENTAL HEALTH RESOURCES
If you or someone you know is experiencing a mental health concern
or crisis, there is help available.
Talk Suicide Canada
Call 1.833.456.4566 (available 24/7)
Text 45645 (available 3pm-11pm Central time)
Wellness Together Canada
Adults: text ‘WELLNESS’ to 741741
Youth: text ‘WELLNESS’ to 686868
Hope for Wellness
For Indigenous people across Canada
Call 1.855.242.3310 (available 24/7)
Trans Lifeline
1.877.330.6366